I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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