you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
