I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
