youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
