My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
