you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
