If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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