dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
