I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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