Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
