just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
