I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
