I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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