Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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