I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
