I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
