Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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