Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
