It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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