i may or may not be watching the land before time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
