Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up under a house in Key West
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