Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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