I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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