It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
