So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
