She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
