we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
