I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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