I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
