I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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