You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
