I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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