he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
