On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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