White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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