The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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