i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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