Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
do nipples grow back?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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