dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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