I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
