Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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