She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
