I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
