I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
