If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
