i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
