Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
