Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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