It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
