Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
