My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
