i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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