Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
